College essays are a bunch of bologna (I still can't get over how that's spelled). Although I think it is crucial to portray yourself as honestly as possible to your schools of choice, these essays tend to be just that—bologna. I talked briefly in my last post about how we tend to produce idealized versions of ourselves in our minds, and the college process only makes this idealization more obvious.
I think it's irrational to assume that a 17 year-old has the ability to accurately describe their own psyche at all, and certainly not in 500 words. Personality is erratic at a young age; it takes time to parse through the twenty-something-thousand words in the dictionary frequently used to describe personality and decide which ones apply to you. Colleges understand this, and as a result they often ask applicants to instead focus on a specific moment or place and describe what that place means to you.
Yes alas, problems still emerge. Sure, I could write about how coming in last place in a swimming tournament made me feel sad for a while. Or I could point to my "idealized self," and write about how that loss propelled me towards greatness and taught me that losing made me a winner in the long-run. Numerous tutors and websites tell us the ideal topic to write about (like this, this, and apparently anything but this). Which sounds more appealing: the real me or the ideal me?
Portrayal is a form of performance. It is how we present ourselves in different situations, despite how we really feel. I can portray myself as a teenager overwhelmed by the myriad of colleges and college essays bogging me down (closer to the truth), or I can portray myself as clear-minded, focused, and ready to tackle the four years of unabated opportunity ahead of me (further from the truth). Although colleges claim that essays are a time to "show off," and therefore it is acceptable to portray yourself ideally, where is the line drawn? I could theoretically craft myself in a completely different light than my true self just because I am convinced that "colleges will like me better."
Then again, I'm not giving these colleges enough credit. They understand that this type of thing happens all the time. As a result, they constantly call for honest writing and genuine voice. It's almost impossible to completely replicate voice in a dishonest essay, but it can be done. Just like some are more convincing actors on stage than others, so too some applicants are more convincing portrayers than others. I'm also assuming that all applicants are dishonest in their portrayal of themselves—also untrue. I—along with large majority of applicants, surely—have tried to discover myself through the application process. I have an incentive beyond simply college to understand my own psyche, and I hope that the essay process will guide me along. Nonetheless, I'm still bitter.
[Thanks for bearing with me... I promise not to rant again for a while!]
Alex,
ReplyDeleteAs someone also going through the college application process, many of your points resonate with me. I often find myself in the same position as you: trying to figure out how to portray myself in the best possible light while still remaining true to my own character. The point I would like to touch on is the one about colleges asking for "honest writing and genuine voice". While I agree that colleges are constantly asking this of students, I would like to point out the unfair aspect of this advice.
Admissions officers often ask students to be true to themselves and talk about moments that have had an impact on them. However, I have heard again and again from these same admissions officers about the importance of being "unique" and "avoiding cliches". This puts students in a difficult position where they must often decide against talking about important aspects of themselves simply because these aspects might be seen as too common. For example, to build upon your swimming example, even the swimmer who lost in a big swim meet and actually learned a lot from it can be discouraged from writing about such an event (even though it had a large impact on him) because it is too common an experience for high school students. This student may then choose to write about a different event which is more unique but less personally important. To me, this another strong example of the pressure colleges are putting on students to portray themselves in ways that are further from the truth even though they ask for honesty from applicants.
Kath, I couldn't agree more! Personally, I have struggled with this idea of "cliché" so much through this dreadful process, and it only aggravates me further. I'm not saying that any of us is inherently cliché, but at the same time we all share common narratives. For every story we tell, I'm sure there are one hundred other students somewhere out there who are telling a similar story—it's just the nature of existence. That may be liberating, but it's also SO daunting. How do we make our essays unique when so many people share similar stories? I think that question drives many students to adopt idealized versions of themselves (including me!).
DeleteHey Alex!! Great job explaining the frustration at a lot of us feel with these essays. I definitely agree that finding a topic can be an uphill battle, especially if you feel like you've lived a'cliche high school experience'. Do you brag about your extracurricular you didn't feel like you got to explain in the character-limited Common App section? Do you talk about what you think x college will want to here (even though x college hates that essay)? How do you stay true to yourself? I think even once you've narrowed it down to a specific essay topic there, it's still easy to inflate an story - throwing in a symbolic detail that didn't really happen, or add an adjective that sounds nice even though it isn't accurate. I think, however, that a lot of colleges and especially the elite ones have an understanding of this. Supplements tend to stray away from the typical question and go the way of UChicago with uncommon prompts. I personally found those types of essays a lot easier to write than writing about myself, but I feel like they still get my voice and personality from the new writing. In the end it's really up to you - I'd like to think that colleges will accept you, flaws and all, and especially if you're willing to admit them.
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